Saturday, July 12, 2008

Moobs

Now that I'm no longer an intern, I thought it was time to come back to the important things in life. I now have time to devote to the essentials, like regular pedicures and my blog. That's right everyone...I'm a 2 now. A 2!! That means, when confronted with patient care issues such as, "Hey Peg, that senile patient ripped out her IV and is now hunched over her commode flinging feces at anyone who tries to walk in...can you help?" I can always offer such sage medical advise as, "I think the intern will be able to help you. Do you need her pager number?" HA HA HA. Just kidding. I love poop and I'll field any and all poop-related issues, but I am really loving not being the team bitch anymore.

In other news, now that my level of affection for my job has reached a point where I now have an acceptable level of hatred for my life, I can look into the future and see something other than residency. Namely, more bitch-assery in the form of a fellowship! YES. I find residency so irresistible that I wish to do EVEN MORE of it. I will be the KUNG FU MASTER of residency.

There is one new aspect of residency that I am so far less in love with. That is, clinic. The concept is great. We see patients like the little doctors we pretend to be and write prescriptions and do our own little exams and write our own little notes and feel kind of responsible for things. (I also received my very first business cards this year!! They say Square Peg, M.D.! So far I have given out 5. They were all to my mom.)

The problem is the clinic rooms are teensy. They're about the size of 2 bathrooms put together. I think it'd be ok, except for the fact that WE ARE GYNECOLOGISTS. When we see a patient, we have to get all up into her mix. It involves stirrups. And speculums. And not one but TWO trash cans. One for real trash and one for metal things that need to be sterilized. As luck would have it, the trash cans for metals is ALWAYS in some really awkward position in the room, like behind the head of the bed. And these rooms are so tiny that once you've positioned yourself in a rolly stool between some stirrups there's no room to roll yourself away from the perineum and towards a trash can. There's hardly any room to walk there, because then you run into the trash can for actual trash. So you pull out the speculum and then you end up doing this awkward sideways shuffle around the stirrups, the counter, and the trash can. And usually, that speculum is dripping with juices. Sometimes foul-smelling, purulent, scary fluid. Let's just say that often in clinic, my primary goal for the day is to avoid getting syphilis dripped on me. It's happened before.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

glad you are back! please keep writing.

working said...

Yay you're back! Glad you survived internship.

gabbiana said...

Peg! Yay! You're back!

(Also, that floosh/splash when you drop the metal instruments into the trash can full of waiting disinfectant? So not cool. Not cool at all.)

EAK said...

I was just contemplating deleting this from my favorites, and now it is absurd how happy I am that you are writing again. Love, your BFF Lizardus

Shakes said...

whoa is this really your first posting in like 6 months?

punchberry said...

So happy to have you back and hope to read more soon!

P.S. I decided to apply to Ob/Gyn. Can I borrow your syphilis drip sentiments for my personal statement?

Dragonfly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dragonfly said...

Yummy!!! Regular pedicures....good for you! I am sooo going for regular massages/waxes when I am earning >AU$60k (including overtime) per year. For my mental health dude...