Monday, May 21, 2007

Welcome aboard, BEEYOTCH.

Today I had to send my final medical school transcript and fax a copy of my diploma to the hospital where I'll be doing my residency. I went to the Registrar where the option of either faxing or mailing the transcript was on the little request form. After ascertaining that an official transcript could indeed be faxed, I opted to do that instead, seeing as how it would save time and whatnot. Then I called Grace as I was leaving school to see if she was in her lab and wanted to take a little break to sit out in the sun. As I was waiting for her to come downstairs I received a phone call from the secretary of the entire residency program (SOERP) at my new hospital:

R: Hello?

SOERP: Hi doll. This is SOERP. I just wanted to let you know that we got both your faxes today.

R: Oh, ok, great! Is everything all squared away?

SOERP: Actually you were supposed to mail the transcript in. You faxed it.

R: Oh whoops, my mistake! I'll run in right now and make sure that hard copy gets to you.

SOERP: Oh no, I already called and took care of it.

R: Oh, ok, well thanks so much, and sorry again about the mix-up!

SOERP: So did you actually get the email I sent you last week SPECIFICALLY and EXPLICITLY saying you had to MAIL THE TRANSCRIPT IN? Did you bother to read it?

R: Speechless.

SOERP: I just wanted to let you know that you need to pay better attention to instructions especially WHEN YOU COME DOWN TO OUR HOSPITAL where HUMAN LIVES ARE AT STAKE. (That last part? About the human lives? At stake? Transcribed here VERBATIM.)

R: Wow. I'm...uh, well, sorry, like I said. Again.

SOERP: Thanks doll. Click.

Well, hopefully the fax of my transcript didn't harm anyone. Also, Shanmugam helpfully pointed out that was just a sweet sampling of the loving and nurturing milk and honey I'm surely in for at my residency program. Yowza. (Also, I went back and looked at the instructions. They simply say, "Send the final transcript to BLAH BLAH," an address which includes a fax number.)


Redspiral said...

Holy bushy snatch, batman!!!! What an uppity bitch!!

maisnon said...

Wait, wait - did the convo really end with "Thanks, doll"? If so, might I recommend Passive-Aggressive notes ? (Not my blog - a collection of, no surprise, passive-aggressive notes.)

Rahul said...

Also, please do not make copies of random patients' asses and hands on the Xerox machine.

Thanks, doll.

SOERP aka Rahul

working said...

That's hilarious. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy about the program now? Hehe

Anonymous said...

haha--this is the secret all the current residents know (and that you'll sadly find out)--now that they've got you (the interview day was all a sham, trust me) their true colors are coming out. welcome to residency. enjoy the ride. try not to cry too often. anti-depressants may be necessary.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, this is the same place that I did tons of research at..and unfortunately, this is the attitude I had encountered many times there as well. But after you're done with residency, everywhere else will seem much "nicer."

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

So life is really like Scrubs after all??

h-izzo said...

what a bitch! like it's her place to tell you "where human lives are at stake!" maybe she has to say that stuff to make herself feel important.

trAcy said...

doll, indeed.
mean people suck. . .i saw that somewhere once. . .
wish you would have said "yes, i have the email right in front of me and it does not say it must be mailed."
bluff-calling, though, wouldn't be good now that "lives are at stake." sheesh!