Monday, May 14, 2007

Square Goes Celibate

Lately I've been so hugely disappointed with my lovelife (and lack thereof) that I think I'm swearing off dating. I'm so tired of it. It's been such an enormous waste of time, money, and dressy pants and each successive loser just reminds me of how much I love my sweatpants, my television, and my apartment. I honestly can't even remember the last time I met a guy I thought displayed some actual, solid, life-partner material, and I hate all this frustration and negativity that lately has gone hand-in-hand with meeting the opposite sex.

Worst of all, it's starting to make me doubt myself, like maybe I'm just a huge freak who can't get along with a man and am not worthy of being in a relationship -- I started to have those feelings today and it was just so overwhelmingly, breathlessly saddening that I immediately went shopping and charged yet another dress that I can't afford. (CLOTHES DO NOT EQUAL LOVE, SHUT UP, I KNOW, I'm MOPING over here.)

At the mall I stopped and sat down at a table for some people-watching. As I sipped my Cherry Coke and watched all the fucking happy couples walking around hand-in-hand, I realized: Oh my God. I am starting to become pathologic. This bitterness and self-pity is NOT a good look for me, and I'm certainly not funny enough to carry it off.

That's when I decided this isn't worth my time anymore. I have more important things to worry about than a sequence of stupid and pointless dates. Like my career! If I could add up all the time I've frittered away obsessing about guys and preparing for dates, I could have probably uncovered the rest of the human genome or figured out the healthcare crisis in this country. Why am I wasting my life worrying about some guy who may or may not come round, and likely won't understand how to chew with his mouth closed or be polite company, and make lame jokes and dress like an idiot, and just generally suck and be late even when he does get here?

ENOUGH I say! From now on, no more guys. No more dates. No more laughing at guys' dumb-ass jokes to be polite. No more going to shitty restaurants because some asshole wants a Portuguese lobster. No more 'dumbing down' all the nerdy stuff I like to talk about because it isn't feminine. No more downplaying the things I'm proud of because I don't want some piece of shit guy who can't stand being around a woman who might be smarter than him to feel insecure. NO MORE! As of today, I'm done. I'm not perfect, but I'm comfortable with who I am and I don't need someone to kiss my ass to feel good about myself, so I'm done doing it for others. Men are allowed to be lifelong bachelors. In fact, it's rakish and makes them seem youthful and devil-may-care. Let's do that for ladies, too.

Wow. I'm sitting taller even as I type this.


Anonymous said...

forget the human genome...

there are more important things to worry about..

graduation :)

p.s. sorry about your foul mood.. just think, residency will make it all better... not.. (oops.. i should be comforting you.. arrrgh)
not being a good big sis, am i?

square peg said...

You're right though, moti ben ;)
I think as a senior I just have way too much free time on my hands -- twiddling my thumbs til graduation and I kind of dwell on this stuff. I need something worthwhile to occupy my brain again. Like A JOB. That being said, residency's going to suck ass. I just got my call schedule and it's so, so, unbelievably shitty. I can't even talk about it.

David G said...

Hang in there kid; anybody who doesn't want to be with you has got his head up his ass.

tamasha said...

No more going to shitty restaurants because some asshole wants a Portuguese lobster.

That right there is some of the funniest shit I have ever read.

Anyway, I find they always appear when one is not looking. So, focus on being good at other things. You'll be successful and happy and confident, and that makes the good ones come out of the woodwork.

Not like I know a damn thing about it, but...

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for writing this.

that guy was an ass, i've found that anyone who talks up their material possessions from the get go tend to be.

good thing you didn't waste too much time on him. you deserve much better.

trAcy said...

you're pretty young to be being upset about singleness at this point. while i know the love and touch and support you can get from a partner is unmatchable.

someone will show up someday, and you're already so cool that you won't have to try.

get a good solid friend-pool going in your new hometown and see what develops naturally.