Sunday, May 13, 2007

He HOHOPISsed me off.

In a spontaneous decision last week, HOHOPIS decided to fly in to Chicago early Saturday (yesterday) to meet me. I was at Liz's graduation in Iowa on Friday, so I deprived myself of alcohol that night so I could wake up super-early on Saturday to come back to Chicago. (Probably for the best, because I ran into CNG. And we all know what happens when the two of us are drunk at the same time. Also, I made deliberate effort to stay away from DQ, who still hasn't spoken to me since the wedding.)

He was staying at a very nice hotel a block away from me, so I put on my dressy pants, extra-specially did my hair and make-up, and walked over to his hotel to meet him for lunch. (He was dressed like a dork. Cargo pants went out in 1998, honey. I'm being bitchy, but he has it coming.) We went to the Signature Room for lunch. I, being a huge dork, really like dorkiness in people, so that doesn't bother me, but as soon as we had ordered he was all restless and moving around, and finally said, "Let's take a walk around the restaurant and check out the view." Which was kind of cool and spontaneous, but he kept bombarding me with questions like "Where does the Chicago river end?" "What is the square mileage of the Gold Coast?" "What year was your school built?" which got tiresome after awhile, like, DUDE, I DON'T KNOW, let's chill out and get to know each other. (He was kind of spastic. And YES I know if I pick guys apart over every little thing I will be single forever, however I refuse to date assholes. Anymore.)

Then we ordered lunch and he had THE WORST table manners I have ever seen in another human being. I'm sure I'm no Miss Manners but HOHOPIS: It's called a motherfucking NAPKIN. USE IT.

There were some nice moments though: I was playing with his Blackberry and stumbled upon a series of lists he had made which he let me read through. I liked his list of quotes. There was a cute series of recipes in there. I also found a list of gifts, one of which was BH Gold. He told me that was "Black Hills Gold" and then he winked at me and said I might be getting some of that. I thought that was sort of strange but I just want to point this out -- all of these comment sort of led me to believe he had some interest in me, or liked me at least a little.

Afterwards we took a stroll down Mag Mile and ended up at the Shedd. That was actually really fun, he and I are both really immature so we were perfect ADHD companions for each other, but I was sort of embarassed at this huge tank right in the front lobby where HOHOPIS kept banging on the glass to get the attention of this big stingray that was stuck to it. Finally I grabbed his hand and asked him to stop because he was going to get us both in trouble. (I KNOW. When you have to ask your date - a grown-ass 31-year old man - to behave himself you know it's headed down a road to nowhere good.)

After that we wandered back to my apartment where he proceeded to go SNOOPING AROUND MY APARTMENT before I even had time to take my shoes off and set my bag down. Who goes into a stranger's home and starts poking around without their permission? The first thing he did was go into Shanmugam's room and exclaim about what a giant disaster it was. I sort of laughed along but on the inside I was kind of pissed. He's my younger brother, I can make fun of his dung beetle ways all I want to but I get defensive when others enter my world and criticize people I care about. Also, the dung beetle just had a stressful neuroscience exam on Friday, so give him a break.

I asked him if he was interested in having dinner, and he said, sure, did I mind if some of his friends from business school join us? I was a little taken aback, but I said okay as long as my friends can come too. So we made plans to reconvene at Vermilion at 8. I would seriously rather stay home alone on a Saturday night to eat Subway and watch TV with my farty little dog than eat at Vermilion because it's kind of pretentious, mediocre, and overpriced, but whatever, he was the guest and got to choose the restaurant. So the crowd ended up being HOHOPIS and one of his friends, and me and three of my friends. HOHOPIS and I ended up sitting far apart from each other, and HE TOTALLY IGNORED ME. This was actually fine with me; I thought he was getting to know my friends and I thought that was rather friendly on his part, until I got the unsettling but distinct impression that he was definitely hitting on one of my friends.

We left the restaurant and went to a lounge where some people he knew were having a party, and there it was definitely clear that he was more interested in engaging with others than he was with me. We went to another less crowded and slightly more intimate late-night club after that where I thought HOHOPIS would have a chance to bring it back and make good with me, which he definitely did not do. I had the impression that he was more content to sit in a corner by himself than talk to me. I was sort of pissed off - like, dude, you can't drag me out to hang with your friends then totally ignore me. I really wanted to leave but I wasn't really sure what to do. It was all just so awkward. We finally did leave, and in the cab we were just chatting about random things, and finally I decided to just put my cards on the table:

R: So do you want to stop by for a drink before you head back to your hotel? No, I wasn't planning on showing him the business but I thought I'd cover my bases in case he was too shy to make a move.

HOHOPIS: Nope I'm heading back.

R: Ooookay.

Cab pulls to a stop outside his hotel.

HOHOPIS: Leans in to kiss R's cheek then hops out.

Ok, so that all was weird, but I can get past a lot of weirdness by chalking it up to social awkwardness. But get this: early on our lunch date on Saturday I asked HOHOPIS what time his flight on Sunday was because I might be able to drive him to the airport, and he said it was at 3pm. Nonetheless, at 9:30am on Sunday I received a text from HOHOPIS: Hey I don't know if you're up yet but I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way to the airport right now. My flight is at 11 am. I had a good time and will call you later....

I had no idea what to make of this but I sent back a chirpy little text wishing him a safe flight and hoping he had a great time in my city. He immediately wrote back saying Thank you. I had a great time.

I was thinking about it later and I couldn't understand what had happened. Could he have possibly been so repulsed by me that he CHANGED HIS FLIGHT because he didn't even want to be in the same city as me? What I really love is how I wasn't even worth the time it takes TO MAKE UP A POLITE EXCUSE as to why he felt the need to retreat so suddenly. Laura, who set me up with him, said that maybe he was confused about what time his flight actually was and felt dumb. Then she profusely apologized for setting me up with a freakish weirdo who was a bad dresser to boot. Yeah. She better be sorry. I was mostly just confused about the whole thing. Furthermore, a bad dresser who can't eat in public and solves equations for fun shouldn't be doing the rejecting, know what I'm saying? Oh yeah. I went there. The inner bitch is out.

I think the chances of him calling are zero to none, and I'm not that sad because I don't have anything invested in this guy, but I'm disappointed because it strengthens my conviction that I will be performing IVF on myself in 6 years. Maria summed it up best: "It's a letdown for all of us. We just want to see each other happy so it sucks when something with so much promise doesn't work out."

Other comments:

Jeannie: "You're disappointed?! I saw him picking his ear during dinner. YOU DON'T WANT THAT."

Liz: "Wait a minute - forget about everything else for a second: he doesn't DRINK? Well that's just not going to work."

Shanmugam: "He sounds like an idiot."

Personally, I think it's part of his ADHD. He probably came here and was dazzled by our friendly, clean, beautiful city (MUCH more desirable than NYC, in my opinion) and I was all shiny and new for the first few hours and then he probably just lost interest. I am confused to as why someone would travel all this way unless they were really invested in a positive outcome but ... eh, whatever.

As much as I'm ready to put being single behind me, I must say, it was rather nice to put on my sweatpants, smoke some cigarettes, order my choice of Thai food, and watch Charm School last night without worrying about impressing some dude.


David G said...

Your bad dates always make me smile. You got something against solving equations?

square peg said...

Depends on who's solving them. But seriously, where do these guys come from? You know any nice physicists you can set me up with? And do they understand how to use a knife and fork?

Anonymous said...

i'm laughing my ass off... but you already knew that..

i swear i'm being sympathetic...

at least you have an adventure...

--your didi ;)

doctorsquared said...

Ugh, he sounds HORRIBLE! Definitely not worth your time and energy. Find a nice boy in St. Louis (I'm sure there must be a few of them there anyway!) and leave this loser behind...

Anonymous said...

I always love reading your blog! It so accurately captures the alcohol-soaked joys and the cringe-inducing humiliations of being a young, single, successful female med student in the big city (or a big city). Although I'm not 100% sure, I might be heading to Chicago soon to start med school at the ripe old age of 25. I've always been a NYC gal, but I've heard only great things about Chicago, whereas NYC does have its sucky points, e.g. $1000K/mo to live in a run-down room the size of a shoebox. Here's hoping that life in Chi-town is as much fun as you describe it.

tamasha said...


I have been waiting for this post! Yay! And just as hilarious as I'd hoped it would be.

Anyway, he's not in the same city, so what's the point. AND, anyone who lives in SoHo is kinda lame. Just sayin'.

Ennis said...

Poor guy. C'mon. As a matter of principle I always try to give good date. I can't guarantee, but I can avoid something like ... that.

I can't believe you gave him one more chance at the end of the night!

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

So, you're my sister's classmate. I had to send her the link to this blog because it is so well-written, though at first I thought you attended another school. As penance, I'll actually sign in with my real id.

sashi said...

Perhaps it was your unexamined expectations/ presuppositions of this person as much as his lack of social grace that partly accounts for this angst? Not that your expectations weren't fair but, perhaps, were not explicit to yourself, for it seems to me that you had much more invested in this meeting than the dude.

Btw, congratulations on graduation, Dr. Peg!

Gautham said...

Hilarious. Posts like these are why I miss your blog.