Monday, March 26, 2007

This Post is Dripping in Estrogen.

I have several weddings to attend in the coming months (SIX!!) so I've been doing a lot of shopping lately looking for dresses to wear. I found one beautiful dress from Ann Taylor, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and must now display here: I haven't been to that many church weddings so I always sort of feel at a loss for determing what's appropriate and what isn't, but I think this dress really reconciles church appropriateness with my own taste.

Anyway, I decided I would have to buy at least one more dress, because I'm just not that responsible with my dry cleaning, so I walked over to Bennetton yesterday to poke around their dresses. I adore Benetton; I think the style of their clothes really meshes with my own personal style, but my problem with Benetton is that the clothes are made for WAIFISH EUROPEAN WOMEN WITH NOTHING IN THE CHESTAL/JUNKAL AREA.

I tried on a bunch of dresses, including a replica of the gorgeous green/white polka-dot halter that Julia Roberts wears in the horserace scene of Pretty Woman. It, of course, is a stunning dress, but Benetton is really in love with expandable keyhole necklines this season, with the end result being that I looked like some sort of high-end prostitute. I ended up buying this very elegant shimmery brown sheath dress with a gold scarf. The dress had a double V neckline, and let me tell you, the girls were popping out all over the front. I ended up buying it one size too big so there would be enough fabric for me to take it to my tailor to sew the anterior neckline up 1-2 inches, but now I'll have to have the waist and hips taken in as well.

That all seemed like quite a bit of work, so I went back on the Ann Taylor website and found this other strapless dress which I think I might just walk over and get today.


Having to spend an additional $50 on an already-pricey dress is very irritating to me, so I might just return that one.

Sorry to bore you with all the mundane details of my life, but I did have a point to this post: SMALL-CHESTED WOMEN HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. If I hear another average-sized women bemoan her lack of chest, I might hit her. You are so lucky! You can wear anything without looking like an effin' hooker! When the girls are big, even the most innocent t-shirt can advertise your bra size. We can't try on 70% of blouses and tops because WE LOOK LIKE PROSTITUTES IN THEM. I have to buy all my button-down shirts one size too big and they get all balloon-y around my waist! The reason why I think the extreme of largeness is more of a pain in the ass than the extreme of smallness is because bra technology is pretty advanced these days. Even the most flat-chested girl can put on a bra and become a knockout. You can add on up to 2 cup sizes just by putting on a bra! But can you TAKE AWAY a bra size? Is it possible to wear a v-neck top without putting the girls on display if they're large? NO. IT IS NOT. (Minimizing bras are a cruel myth.) So stop your bitching already.

8 comments:

happy roy said...

i totally concur with the above! when your badoobies are even slightly large (d cup), you can't wear cute clothes without looking like a hooker. you can't wear slightly low cut shirts, fitted shirts, button downs, turtlenecks, strapless dresses, etc. i hate it!

if you're looking for some cute dresses that are church wedding appropriate, check out www.antropologie.com. i'm indian christian so i go to a ton of church weddings and i never have a problem finding cute dresses there. they even have some dresses for the larger racks and taller heights! good luck!

working said...

That second dress is adorable! I agree that the brown sheath sounds like too much work. Plus, it might not even turn out right. I sometimes try to do fancy separates for weddings. Like a beaded sweater with a chiffon skirt or something. Maybe give that a shot?

Anonymous said...

Try ebay for dresses, I just bought a bcbg dress for $40! FORTY DOLLARS!

Anonymous said...

Try white house black market too -- they have the cutest stuff and they actually fit! www.whitehouseblackmarket.com

Anonymous said...

I hear ya sister..people always think its an asset.. but I'm so embarassed by the sheer size of my bra.. btw Victoria Secret doesnt make a bra for me... I need a 32DD atleast . Wacol makes one in that size.. but it kinda squishes the girls and it looks like a band also not good for slighly deep necklines.. and peeks under arm.. all other bras are lightly padded..Lord knows I dont need a single mm more.. I dont have qualms for spending $$ some one please show me a good bra..btw do those sticky (backless) bras work?

Ennis said...

Heh. You said junkal. Excuse me patient, but you have an injury in your junkal maximus region ...

confused, single and brown said...

hahaha! i'm with you on that one! i don't enjoy having larger boobs because it totally constricts what i can wear. i can never wear anything that's backless or anything that's too low cut b/c i'll end up looking kinda trashy :\

trAcy said...

being someone of the small size, i have never worn strapless.

so there. : )

looooooove those dresses. am on personal ban from internet and lovely shopping (anthropologie banned!) due to mortgage dreams.