Thursday, December 21, 2006

Smell my finger.

Today Jagdish and I manually disimpacted Reflux.

Let that soak in for a moment. My older brother, a bona fide MD, and myself, 6 mo. away from my own degree, synergized our medical know-how to de-constipate my dog, in a dignified manner culminating in my inserting my pinky finger into my poor 7 lb. dog's anus.

Despite Reflux's blindness, deafness, senile dementia, and general ancient broke down-edness, that guy sure had a lot of fight in him. He fought so much that we had to recruit my mom to hold his thorax still, while Jagdish held his legs so I could lift up his tail for the impending activity in and around his ass. Of course, while my mom held him, he took a humongous anger-fueled piss that unfortunately dripped down her shirt sleeve and all the way down her waist. Actually, everyone needed a shower afterwards, because the minute I lifted up his tail to figure out exactly what was going on down there, Reflux emitted a barrage of defensive farts, extremely wet and stinky. After the pre-emptive strike, Jagdish and I, anticipating some explosive fecal matter headed our way, decided to move the operation out of the laundry room and into the garage.

What prompted me to practice medical maneuvers on my own dog? Well, to be frank, according to my mom, he hadn't taken a dump in 3 days, and I walked him myself 3 or 4 times today, and he would assume the hunchback pre-poopy posture and stand there and just strain and strain and strain until his poor little tail and hind legs were all trembly with effort, and nothing would come out. I, unable to keep my mouth shut, pointed out that he was "probably impacted with loads of dry hard stool in his rectal vault." My mom took this as me volunteering to manually disimpact said stool, a task which I unsuccessfully tried to pawn off on Jagdish, saying he was the only one with a medical degree to actually back the performance of such a procedure. In the end, it was a group effort. And now, Reflux is mad at all of us.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hope everything came out alright!

trAcy said...

oh mi gosh!
why didn't you try cod liver oil or something first?
fun times?
doggie needs a diet change.
after all, he's not a heroin addict.

Anonymous said...

wow. i don't think this is story someone can even repeat to anyone. its just way to much, i could not even imagine a story that gross

General Custard said...

hehe... i know a young lady who had to be 'disimpacted'. i wont be so reticent about my cuz though who got some worms when in the merchant navy and he came home and he shat so much that (so my mum tells me) something popped out of his anus that shouldnt have and my grandpa (who was a doc) had to insert it back again by hand. it sounds much funnier in punjabi when we're sitting around with chai and spicy samosas. we're quite ribald on my mum's side we are.

Anonymous said...

Err..ok, so where the hell are you????? Come back!!!

Anonymous said...

Didn't Bobby Brown have to do that to Whitney Houston once? I think I remember them making fun of that on "Best Week Ever"! Hehe

Anonymous said...

OK, you really should write something else. Not that I'm in the least big grossed out by the story, it's just time ...

-- Ennis

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