Monday, December 11, 2006

Live from Raleigh-Durham

Hello Internet!! Thank ya'll so much for your concern about my love life! It's not easy being a wanton sex goddess. Hee, just kidding Mama Peg!! (Actually, people ask me sometimes if my parents read my blog, and the truth is I sent them the URL several months ago and I honestly don't think they ever checked it out. Ouch, parents. That hurt. Mostly because it carries the implication that my life is so ho-hum to EVEN MY PARENTS that they don't feel the need to check out my diary to make sure I don't believe in casual sex and hallucinogens.)

TCL and I went out for a late night dinner date last Wednesday night to La Scarole, a pretty well-established and very good Italian restaurant in River East. TCL is frickin' hilarious and let me pick out the wine so I was having a very nice time. Afterwards we split a pot of hot chocolate at Tempo, my favorite 24 hour diner, and I ended up staying out until 2 am, WAY later than I intended. I'm sort of weird with people when I first meet them. Yes. I am one of those "NO TOUCHIE" people; like for godssake let's wait 5 minutes before making full body contact shall we? I'm just not a quick hugger, and TCL is a quick hugger, and a quick kisser, and the end result was I attempted to duck and weave, and TCL got a mouthful of my hair at the end of the night.

Ya'll, this is sad, but although TCL is great and fun and seems to be into me, I just can't reciprocate. I don't know why. He is funny and successful and clearly a great guy but I'm just not feelin' it. There are no butterflies. I need butterflies! Is that so much to ask? Is that a dumb reason to stop seeing someone? I feel as though the longer this goes on with me always knowing in the back of my mind that I'm just not that interested, the more disastrous it'll be. A quick clean break is best, I think.

I also just interviewed at a school in North Carolina, which is a very good program but where I haven't been since I looked at colleges as a high school senior. We will call this program, "I can't believe I almost came here for college." On the plus side, the Raleigh-Durham airport has a cyber cafe that serves beer! (Guess where I've been for the last 4 hours.)

I really adored the program in New Haven, much more than I thought I would, and the Have actually isn't that bad. And now it's time for you all to hear the saddest love story in the history of the world:

Several months ago everyone who participated in my research program went to this big conference they had for us, and I met a med student from New Haven. We immediately hit it off and have since kept in touch regularly by phone. Cute Guy I Got Busted With in the Hotel Parking Lot (CGIGBWHPL, or CG for short. Long story.) is applying for a ridiculously competitive specialty and is committed to staying at his program for residency and was very excited that I was interviewing there despite the fact that he was off interviewing in Boston this weekend. Although I adored his school's program, I need to be able to separate the fact that he's there from everything else. The program is outstanding but I'm scared of being mediocre at such a strong program. I am EXTREMELY scared to leave the Midwest and my family. Northwestern has been my home since I left my parents' house. And I'm scared that if I match there, CG and I will get involved and I'm unsure if I want to deal with the drama and uncertainty of a new relationship during my intern year. CG definitely gives me the butterflies, and before I met him I was 99% sure I would go to St. Louis for residency, though New Haven is clearly the better program.

Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. I have a few more interviews, one is the program in Iowa I love, and a program in Atlanta I'm super excited about, another outstanding program in Philadelphia and of course, the pie in the sky in San Francisco. I will keep you all posted!!

1 comment:

Chick Pea said...

am in atl this weekend.

let me know. :)

p.s. i was scared shitless when i matched in the godforsaken south.. hell i'm from california.. i still have yet, and never will change my drivers license or license plates..

i refuse to believe i actually (gulp) live here.

and don't worry about leaving the midwest..

the east coast is awesome..

and new haven may be more drama...but you will have a great time wherever you go..

and you will NEVER be get that crap outta your head...

got it?