Monday, November 06, 2006

Seeking a suitable boy

I did it! I posted a profile at [Supposedly it's the "hip" one.] I browsed through several profiles and that helped me write mine. Like, I now know that most people talk WAAAAAAAY too much about themselves; like, if you're going to use that much text you're going to have to bulletpoint it. Because I just don't care enough to read it otherwise.

Also, people are SO FULL OF THEMSELVES. Everyone has certain things they're sticklers about [I myself have a few stupid things that I REFUSE to compromise on.] but when you're a 38 year old Fed Ex warehouse employee with a mole eating half your face you really shouldn't demand "fair bride who goes to the gym daily." Gross.

Anyway, I kept my bio very short (and I tried to be funny) and made it clear that I'm not looking to get married anytime soon. I also uploaded a few pictures, and the website informed me it will take a few days for the pictures and the bio to "be cleared."

But lo! When I checked my email this morning, I ALREADY HAD one contact. Keep in mind that no pictures or bio, other than how tall I am and what I do for a living were up yet. This is yucky. I want to reject him just for being a non-selective sieve. Why would someone be so desperate? In my head, this means there's some huge personality defect there. My brother keeps telling me to stop being such a snob and give people a chance, but remember what happened the last time I did that? God it feels good to be right all the time. Besides, if you can't bother to fuckin' spell check your profile, I'm not interested. Do you think you're so desirable that I would overlook the fact that you might be mildly retarded?

And yes, dear Internet, I shall keep you posted on all the wacky romantic comedy that will surely ensue from this endeavour! There should be some benefit to this, at least. Besides, I've found that when I actually do go on real dates, guys love hearing about this stuff.

Career Corner: I went on an interview at that *other* university here in Chicago. I actually really liked their program, and I was born at that hospital, so there was a really cute moment when I interviewed with the chair of the department and he pulled out my birth certificate, complete with my tiny footprints! I felt so loved, but also disturbed that my confidentiality as a patient was so blatantly violated. What if I was born with ocular chlamydia or laryngeal herpes? That is not exactly information I wish to be divulged when I'm trying to be my most fabulous.


gabbiana said...

"Do you think you're so desirable that I would overlook the fact that you might be mildly retarded?"

Genius. I totally screen my internet dates by their spelling and grammar. Also their use of "rofl" and similar internet-speak. [Shudder.]

Hen said...

YES! Spelling and grammar counts! If you can't be bothered to be as perfect as possible on paper, chances are that you'll be pretty useless in real life.

"God it feels good to be right all the time." :)

maisnon said...

I'm really looking forward to reading more about the indian dating adventures!

Sashi said...


Some of your roadkill style dating posts had me in stiches for the last twenty or so minutes. Please persist in this madness for our entertainment and edification.


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