Wednesday, November 08, 2006

And...I'm pissed.

Most interview programs really try to wine and dine you before the interview. It works for 2 reasons: the residents get a chance to meet you in a relaxed setting and you get to see if the residents actually get along and have lives. Most of these dinner/happy hour things come with invitations beseeching you to bring along your significant other.

Ok, this pisses me off. I'm personally very thankful I get to go through the match single; I'm not envious of my friends who have to plan their futures around some dude. It's hard enough trying to find a place you think you'll fit in, learn a lot, and not just be used for your labor without worrying about where your boyfriend is matching, or can he find a job here, and honestly even if I did have someone to bring with me, my career is more important than whether or not he thinks the bars in New Haven are fun.

However, I have multiple friends who have sweat blood with me through college and medical school, waiting for our Boards scores to return, pulling all nighters before the surgery and medicine shelf, and being grossed out in anatomy lab together, and a million other not necessarily "fun" but very memorable moments, and where some of my girlfriends want to go will DEFINITELY play a role in how I rank programs. Why then is it more acceptable for me to bring along some casual fuck than one of my friends who could probably offer greater insight into the residents' dynamic and whether or not it was a place where I would be happy? SUCH DISCRIMINATION. I know if I get married I will value my girlfriend's opinions more than my own husbands, because they've know me longer! I think it SUCKS, and if other applicants get to bring their boyfriends along, I'm furious that I can't bring along one of my close friends. Man I'm full of rage today.


ennis said...

I know if I get married I will value my girlfriend's opinions more than my own husbands, because they've know me longer!

You say that now, but frankly, people don't end up doing this. My married friends, male or female, end up saving their closest intimacies for their spouses rather than the friends they used to share everything with. Their spouses are just there all the time. Your friends get busy and sadly will not be as available. And it causes conflict if you tell a friend about something but not your spouse.

So even if your friends have known you longer, they will no longer know you as intensively as your spouse does after a year or two. And it gets worse once kids show up.

As a single friend to many married people, I've been a bit surprised and saddened by this. It's not what I expected. Still, I have to accept this lameness or spend time raging against a lot of people for ... what - not being as close any more?

Henna said...

Take along a different best friend for each interview and maybe make a pact for them to do the same for you. Nobody's stopping you.

trAcy said...

no, as a married woman, i would say that you still go to men for some opinions and to women for others. there is NO way a man can understand and converse as a woman; we're different in the grey matter/it's a matter of biology, and that is completely OK. and male people can interpret what other male people are about. intimacy is unlimited, and is not some kind of infidelity.

i'm sorry to ms. or mr. ennis, whose friends have turned coupleward and not maintained what was supposedly real. it's about effort and choices, not inevitability.

i love all my friends for different gifts and inputs, including my husband. (and i was never looking to get married; i am very happy alone, but comfortable like this too. he also was someone no one expected to wed. i was 27 and he was 33.)

not meaning to sound confrontational. just an opinion, based on experience.

i am amazed to hear they want to have a partner at the medical school interviews. my ex went twice and it never came up, in the late 90s.

i'm with henna, take whomever you wish. i once brought a girl to an obligatory chamber of commerce work fund raiser valentine dinner, and since she was not a meat eater and i had to make big deal out of getting her something to eat from the standard "yes, chicken" menu, for years, all my colleagues kept thinking i was a vegetarian. i am close, but i really will eat anything, especially if it's free.

anyway, you never know what's going to happen. being single is fine. the world is way interested in standard married-and-kids-ness, which is too bad, since it's only one option.

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