Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I went on my first Internet site blind date last night! Tall Cute Lawyer (TCL) and I went to the bar at the W and it was actually painless! AND...you will all be so proud of me: I didn't get shitfaced, cry, do drugs, or behave in an otherwise inappropriate fashion! The weekday first date is BRILLIANT: you have a pre-established time constraint of work/study for Step 2/etc that keeps the night short and sweet. The night did lead to an odd line of questioning though, when he asked me what I got on my Boards and what kind of student I was. Even stranger still because he's an attorney. Maybe he was trying to screen for potential entrants into his gene pool. In the end though, TCL was a gentleman; he paid for the whole date despite my sincere and repeated efforts to split the bill and walked me home. Also: TCL can hold his liquor, which is one of my top 5 qualities in potential life-partner. Nothing's less attractive than going blotto on the first date. Internet, trust your Auntie Rupes. She's been there.

And I am still getting tons of emails from people on the website. Guys, seriously. It's an email. Take your time. Proofread that shit. You look like an asshole.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Square Peg Finds Love. I mean, Stupid People.

Ok, back in Chicago after 2 more interviews! On Saturday I went to Texas to interview at an ob program (the largest and reputably most fun in the country!) and I was NOT disappointed. Who knew Dallas was so fun? I LOVED it!! I could totally see myself in Dallas and I thought the residents were awesome. What can I say? I'm from the midwest, I like to drink beer and watch football. If there's great shopping around too, I'm a happy girl.

The only downside to the program was that I had some weird interviews. I asked about the lack of protected resident research time (very important for fellowships), and I got the sense my interviewer got sort of put on the defensive. The program does not have protected time but I wanted to get a sense for how much research residents were able to do, and I don't know how this happened but I felt like he was sort of yelling at me or accusing me of not wanting to practice medicine and do research instead. If I recall correctly, he said he didn't understand this new class of doctors who "want to work 40 hours a week and have their weekends off."

Ahem. If that's what I expected out of my career, I'd be in business school. I was seething on the inside. Had he even seen my application? Do you think a lazy person did all that? I didn't even want to dignify his comments; I thought my application spoke for itself, but what sucks is on the outside I was all happy happy smile smile laugh and nod. I know it's typical for one to fret about coming across badly during an interview but really, he should be more worried about the impression he left on me. He left such a bad impression on me that the program fell from #1 on my rank list to #8. If that's the faculty I'd have to work with (who 1. don't value research and 2. assume residents are lazy), I don't want to be there. I was furious when I left.

Unfortunately, my next interview was just as much of an odd interaction. I liked my interviewer until she asked me the following question. "Let's say you're getting ready to scrub in for a big gyn onc surgery. Your patient's on the table and you go out to scrub in. You run into the surgeon, who happens to be really old school. He takes one look at you and says, 'You cannot scrub in on my case until you wash off all that makeup and take off all that jewelry.' What do you say?" Well duh, the answer is do whatever the guy says; the patient's already on the table and this is neither the time nor place to be offended. I was just a little dumbfounded by the question. I didn't think my makeup or jewelry was excessive at all but she made me all self conscious about it. Also, that's not a question you'd ask a man. I wonder what she would have asked me had I been male. That's kind of unfair. I really wanted to talk about my research or the fact that I produced The Vagina Monologues, or am a rape crisis counselor, or was president of my school's pro-choice group, or just submitted my very first first-author paper, or do research on pregnant women in the ED, or organized an anti-sexual assault rally in downtown Chicago my first year of med school, but nooooooo I had to think about my makeup and jewelry. Hello glass ceiling! Why? If I was a man I'm SURE I would have been given the opportunity to talk up my accomplishments and prove how excited and dedicated I was. Instead, I was made to feel self conscious for wearing lipstick and having my nose pierced (with a very very tiny little stud, of which the decision to leave in I struggled long and hard with, finally deciding that if a program didn't want to rank me because I had my nose pierced, they could fuck themselves, because I understand how to dress and act for an interview and if 1/2mm of platinum and diamond really offends you, you're not a person I could work with.)

My next interview was at [Big Fancy University on West Coast] Hospital. I so wanted to love this program but I was really uninspired. I wasn't feeling the energy and excitement I felt in Dallas. It was just...."meh." Besides the town was kind of a snooze too. Also, there are 2 types of people who go into my specialty: Type 1 loves the babies and thinks the babies are so cute and omigod I luv baybees lol lol lol they r so kyute!!! lol!!! and Type 2 just gets off on adrenaline and intensity. I've started classifying my programs as Type 1 or Type 2.

***

Square Peg's Romantic Trials and Tribulations.

Ok Internet! Let's just get right down to it, shall we? I have been getting a shit-ton of replies back on my profile!

So one guy lives in my city. Seemed like he had some potential. UNTIL. The flood of text messages, each with "how r u" and "what r u up to" and other assorted lazy/bad grammar. NO. I give you my phone number, you call me up. You do not text me at 10:13pm on Friday asking me "wut i m up 2." Seriously. You're past puberty. Take the extra nanosecond and 1.3 kilocalories of effort it takes to type in "what" instead of "wut" and "you" instead of "u" to spare yourself from looking like a total idiot.

Also, maybe I'm a huge bitch, but here's a list of things that are my deal-breakers. As in, if someone contacts me and I look at their profile and find one of these things, I'm not writing back. No matter how handsome or accomplished or brilliant their mother thinks they are.

1. You're = YOU ARE. Your = YOUR. Learn it. Live it. Love it. You'll thank me later.

2. "Friends say I'm funny" yet in your post you haven't cracked a single joke though you did go on to describe yourself as being honest, intelligent, and hard-working. Maybe they think you're funny-looking.

3. If you posted a picture on your profile that you took of yourself in your bathroom mirror with a camera phone. Dude...that's just sad. Please get off the Internet and go make some real friends.

4. If your user name has "dawg" in it. And you're in your 30s. You're a loser.

5. If your user name has "doc" or "dr" in it. I think people who tend to aggrandize the fact that they're a doctor, or attorney, or any other highfallutin' career do it to cover up the absolute lack of personality underneath.

So, as you can see, after the above-mentioned exclusion criteria, I'm not left with much. It might sound hard-headed but I refuse to negotiate. If this is the final product of something they were allowed to work on in private at their own leisure and with the aid of books, friends, and dare I say the entire GLOBAL COMMUNITY OF DICTIONARIES AND THESAURUSES at their very fingertips, what would they be like in public? [Although, if anyone has a beautiful inspirational story about how they got past the "wut r u up 2 lololol" to discover their life partner, I would love to hear it!!]

So here's my idea: I can de-douchebagify your Internet dating profile. I'll do it for free. I want people to be happy and find love! Send me your profile and I'll spruce it up and I GUARANTEE greater returns on romance. What do ya'll think? That's my new small business idea.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

And...I'm pissed.

Most interview programs really try to wine and dine you before the interview. It works for 2 reasons: the residents get a chance to meet you in a relaxed setting and you get to see if the residents actually get along and have lives. Most of these dinner/happy hour things come with invitations beseeching you to bring along your significant other.

Ok, this pisses me off. I'm personally very thankful I get to go through the match single; I'm not envious of my friends who have to plan their futures around some dude. It's hard enough trying to find a place you think you'll fit in, learn a lot, and not just be used for your labor without worrying about where your boyfriend is matching, or can he find a job here, and honestly even if I did have someone to bring with me, my career is more important than whether or not he thinks the bars in New Haven are fun.

However, I have multiple friends who have sweat blood with me through college and medical school, waiting for our Boards scores to return, pulling all nighters before the surgery and medicine shelf, and being grossed out in anatomy lab together, and a million other not necessarily "fun" but very memorable moments, and where some of my girlfriends want to go will DEFINITELY play a role in how I rank programs. Why then is it more acceptable for me to bring along some casual fuck than one of my friends who could probably offer greater insight into the residents' dynamic and whether or not it was a place where I would be happy? SUCH DISCRIMINATION. I know if I get married I will value my girlfriend's opinions more than my own husbands, because they've know me longer! I think it SUCKS, and if other applicants get to bring their boyfriends along, I'm furious that I can't bring along one of my close friends. Man I'm full of rage today.

She's Back, Bitches!

Alright!! She dumped K-Fed and got hot! Our girl is back. **Watch out ladies. This now means the sperminator is on the loose.

In less important news, Democrats EASILY garnered control of the house, and a happy email from NARAL this morning announced that 20 new pro-choice faces were added. Also, the anti-abortion ban in South Dakota was knocked down! It is a good day :)

***

My mom is currently in India on a 10-day binge of prayer. Supposedly there's a huge field filled with 12,000 people all praying at once. My mom seems to be having the time of her life and while I'm semi-religious (....ok, that's a stretch. I'm slightly religious.) I can't imagine that ever being my idea of a good time. She called me yesterday FOUR TIMES (after not calling me for the last 8 days) because she was afraid she had run out of memory cards with which to take pictures!! I was stunned -- I sent her off with 2 huge ones...that's easily 5,000 pictures! What is she taking so many pictures of? I shouldn't ask. I'm sure I'll see for myself in just a few days.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Seeking a suitable boy

I did it! I posted a profile at indiandating.com. [Supposedly it's the "hip" one.] I browsed through several profiles and that helped me write mine. Like, I now know that most people talk WAAAAAAAY too much about themselves; like, if you're going to use that much text you're going to have to bulletpoint it. Because I just don't care enough to read it otherwise.

Also, people are SO FULL OF THEMSELVES. Everyone has certain things they're sticklers about [I myself have a few stupid things that I REFUSE to compromise on.] but when you're a 38 year old Fed Ex warehouse employee with a mole eating half your face you really shouldn't demand "fair bride who goes to the gym daily." Gross.

Anyway, I kept my bio very short (and I tried to be funny) and made it clear that I'm not looking to get married anytime soon. I also uploaded a few pictures, and the website informed me it will take a few days for the pictures and the bio to "be cleared."

But lo! When I checked my email this morning, I ALREADY HAD one contact. Keep in mind that no pictures or bio, other than how tall I am and what I do for a living were up yet. This is yucky. I want to reject him just for being a non-selective sieve. Why would someone be so desperate? In my head, this means there's some huge personality defect there. My brother keeps telling me to stop being such a snob and give people a chance, but remember what happened the last time I did that? God it feels good to be right all the time. Besides, if you can't bother to fuckin' spell check your profile, I'm not interested. Do you think you're so desirable that I would overlook the fact that you might be mildly retarded?

And yes, dear Internet, I shall keep you posted on all the wacky romantic comedy that will surely ensue from this endeavour! There should be some benefit to this, at least. Besides, I've found that when I actually do go on real dates, guys love hearing about this stuff.

Career Corner: I went on an interview at that *other* university here in Chicago. I actually really liked their program, and I was born at that hospital, so there was a really cute moment when I interviewed with the chair of the department and he pulled out my birth certificate, complete with my tiny footprints! I felt so loved, but also disturbed that my confidentiality as a patient was so blatantly violated. What if I was born with ocular chlamydia or laryngeal herpes? That is not exactly information I wish to be divulged when I'm trying to be my most fabulous.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Taking the Plunge.

Now that DQ and I mutually understand the lack of healthy future we share together, I have made a very important decision.

I will now do the Indian online dating.

Yeah, I'm scared too. But so many people have such good things to say about it! And I've seen how happy some of my Jewish friends are with jdate.com, and how much luck some of my other Indian friends have had with it, so I think I'll give it a go. At the very least, I can make fun of some of the profiles and meet some interesting characters.

Also, I just got the following email from my 15 year old cousin. Were we like this when we were teenagers?


tankuu...ill prolly see u in september at neilbhaiz weddingg...i dunt think
im gona be goin to bindibenz showerr...but tell her hiii.... ohhh and did u
knoee my bdayz lyk 2 dayz after labor day weekend enddzz...(on the
fifth)...i mite hav a sweet sixteenn lol fun fun and so very
convenient....okie ill ttull<333>


I got dizzy just reading it too.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

On Doctoring

Some medical students get really, really excited to wear their white coats and be called "doctor." Most of us though, feel like huge posers and hate it when people refer to us as doctors. I hate it, and unless it's a sweet demented old man who has problems recognizing people versus inanimate objects, I will always correct someone who refers to me as "doctor" rather than "medical student." Make that "incompetent useless medical student." Even as an intern faced with a tough question I know in the back of my head I'll be like Ignore that MD after my name go find the real doctors!

I have 14 interviews scheduled all over the country in the next 6 weeks, so I have the next 2 months off, presumably to study for the Boards (This is the second of 3 really fuckin' long and painful medical licensing exams we're all required to take on top of our specialty's own licensing exams.) and interview. I'm also working on my MPH thesis, and thought that since I have this time off, I should do my required senior medical student teaching elective. I chose to TA Problem Based Learning for the first years, which are small-group sessions where they go through a practice case and learn how to tie basic science to clinical knowledge.

Shanmugam and his friends are here studying, and they joined me to watch Lost on a study break. After the show they were talking about PBL and asked me if I knew the connection between anemia and hypothyroidism. I said it was probably one of many minor signs of hypothyroidism but I couldn't actually remember for sure. They looked at me like I was half-retarded then looked it up in Harrison's. So then I kind of freaked out because I'm TAing PBL tomorrow and I don't want to look half-retarded in front of my M1s! So now I'm studying for PBL. This is good, because I need to be studying for Boards anyway.

But anyway, I spent a few hours on the phone last night making flight and hotel reservations for my interviews, and the receptionist at the Special 8 Motel (classy!) in Palo Alto kept calling me "Dr. Peg." I kept trying to correct her mostly because she was doing it so often I thought she was making fun of me.