Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My problems are so effin' dumb.

Over the weekend my mom made some chai and I got really excited to drink it before letting it cool down:

Mom: Have some hot chai!

R: Yay! Lifts cup to lips and pours.

M: Wait!! I just took it off the stove.

R: Experiencing unbelievable pain as chai, at approximate temperature of 917 degrees F bubbles on mucosal membranes of mouth. Seriously, there was probably steam coming out of my ears. HOT!!!! HOT! HOT! Owowowowowowow. Can't think straight with a mouthful of lava and just swallows. Chai sears esophageal mucosa on the way down. Oh my Gaw! Ih ith ho, ho, hoh! Falls out of chair and rolls around in agony.

M: This is why you should always listen to me.

I've diagnosed myself with 2nd degree burns of the oral mucosa of my gums. It hurts to eat, talk, laugh, and generally open my mouth in any way. I'm also having referred pain to my right ear. When I eat I have to make sure to only use the left side of my mouth so I find myself doing this odd bovine-like head-tilted cud-chewing activity. When I brushed my teeth yesterday morning all this blood poured out. This is really, really gross. And really stupid. Also, my swallow function has been severely impaired and I find myself salivating uncontrollably. I sort of want to go the dentist but mommy I'm scared. Instead I'm self medicating with some xylocaine viscous, which basically just numbs up the afflicted area. According to the Internet, mucosal burns take about 2 weeks to heal. That's great! In one week I'm giving a talk at a national conference. I have enough trouble with public speaking without worrying about drooling all over myself.

5 comments:

lydia said...

I'm not laughing at your pain but OMG I was laughing so much at the description of when you drank the hot chai. I was eating my lunch at my desk and I nearly choked from laughing with food in my mouth. Girl, you're too funny.

Sri said...

Square,
A question about med. school: is it bad that a friend of mine hasn't taken the STEP II's, but is still applying for residency? She says she'll have the scores soon, but I thought that the schools required it? I'd post somewhere else but you're my most knowledgeable source for this info (ha ha, no I'm not joking).
Thanks.

square peg said...

Well...I'm uncomfortable being the most knowledgeable source for anything, but your friend should be ok. I haven't taken Step 2 CK or CS yet and I've been getting plenty of interviews. Some programs require you to pass before they rank you, but most only care about Step 1.

Delfino Rules said...

another great post.

ennis said...

Damn. And you still wont come to the meetup?

p.s. I might be in town this Saturday in any case. Let me know if you want to (ahem) get some tea. Email: ennnis -at- sepiamutiny