Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My ER rotation started today, ya’ll! There were several notable events of the day, the first being that no matter how hard I try, or how early I wake up, or whatever steps I take at night to get my things organized to make my mornings easier, I will always be 5 minutes late to wherever I’m going. Always. (What crunches do you do to make yourself be on time more?) The irony is I walked in just as the clerkship director was emphasizing how important punctuality is to this rotation. Oops.

Next momentous event: free lunch! (Potbelly’s!)

And thirdly, I realized how much I bloody effin’ hate (HATE) my white coat. It’s so heavy, all loaded down with stethoscope, tuning fork (ok, for a second this morning I was like why the hell do I even carry this around? I can’t even remember the last time I used it.), various little pocket books, half eaten NutriGrain bars (dating back to June of ’05…gross), chapstick, hotel lotion, little notebook, vials for collecting blood in (??), butterfly needles, reflex hammer, Palm pilot, and most importantly, specimen bag of change for peanut M&Ms from the vending machine.

And now, don’t judge me on this, but my white coat is DIRTY. It hasn’t been washed since April of 2005. I will preface my next few comments by stating that I do shower and stay clean, and while I can be kind of a slob around my apartment and whatnot, I AM NOT UNHYGIENIC. Despite my good hygiene, I always have ring around the collar on my white coat. I KNOW. It’s pretty effin’ gross. I think it has something to do with how heavily the pockets are weighed down and how that rubs along your neck all day as you run around getting soda from the vending machines for your patients and being yelled at by the ortho residents for consulting them. [And for the record, my patient didn’t break her hip to piss you off, so dial your shit down a little.]

So as we speak my white coat is festering in a bucket of OxiClean. It’s supposed to soak for 6 hours but I plan to let it stew for at least 48 hours. And I can do that, because I’m scheduled to work in the ER from 10 pm – 6 am every night this weekend. [BITCHES] I was actually planning to just get a whole new white coat, because in addition to a thick layer of dead epidermis on the collar, there’s also a blood stain around the right cuff, a big pool of where I must have spilled coffee down the left side, and a suspicious brown stain on the back where it looks like I sat down in some black bean soup. Or poo.

GROSS. Can you believe I used to wear this thing every day? I dug it out of the drawer it sat in for a year while I did research (O research! Sweet flower.) and almost vomited putting it on today.

We also had 2 hands on sessions today, one where we intubated a plastic head with an attached thorax, and the other where we practiced suturing on pigs feet. I accidentally poked a hole in the dummy trachea with the …uh, metal foldy thingy we use to …um, shove their tongue down with, and I was a little grossed out because my pig’s foot was kind of hairy and bleedy. (Medicine!)

In other news, AT&T promises that they will send their incompetent asses over here to fix my DSL line, so until then I’m pirating off my neighbors very, very slow wireless connection, but after I get my very own legal connection, I promise I will update more regularly!

AND… in other, slightly more irritating news, I have a friend from Iowa I will refer to as the K-Hole. I thought using his initials might be boring, but calling him Special K was too flattering, and then in ER today I learned that a particularly bad bender on Special K (street for ketamine) is known as going down the K-Hole. Folks, I am on a bad bender. Thus he will be known as the K-Hole.

Alright ya’ll, let me vent for a second. What does it mean to be passive-aggressive? I’m not exactly sure, and I sort of it use it anytime anyone pisses me off in a nonconfrontational way, which is exactly what the K-Hole was driving me nuts with over the weekend. I was a little sad but mostly thrilled to see him go back to Iowa yesterday. Why? Why do guys suck ass like that sometimes? How am I supposed to know what they're thinking if the K-Hole doesn't tell me? Ok, I’m moving on now. I need to take a wooden spoon and go poke my white coat around in its bucket for a little while.

2 comments:

trAcy said...

white clothes are impossible.

BidiSmoker said...

Sounds like you and K hole are more than just friends. or maybe not, and that's why he's pissed.