Thursday, July 13, 2006

Have you ever met someone of the opposite sex who's so attractive you sort of lose all mental functioning when they're around? Like, your IQ suddenly drops about 60 points. I just had that experience yesterday, for the first time in my life. (Fun!) Unfortunately, it happened in the ER, in the context of massive trauma. (No Time for Mack.)

I came on shift at 6 am Wednesday morning after a train on the Blue Line derailed Tuesday night. It happened in the Loop about a mile away from where our hospital is so 99 of the train patients came through our ER that night. Most people were just screened for carbon monoxide levels, given oxygen and discharged, but several ended up getting admitted. As a result, every inpatient and intensive care unit bed was filled that night, and the hospital was on bypass, meaning ambulances weren't supposed to bring patients to our ER, because we couldn't admit them as inpatients if we had to.

So -- CHAOS. The ER was FULL of patients. All of the rooms and trauma bays were full, and patients were in the hallways. It also just felt like the people who came in yesterday morning were just SICK. Everyone was just really, really sick, needed a lot of close monitoring, were constantly looking like they were about to crash etc.

In the midst of this I had a patient with acute cholecystitis (infected gallbladder, which likely needs to be surgically managed) and I had to call a surgery consult. No big deal -- a good many of ER patients need to be surgically evaluated, and many end up going up to the OR.

Unfortch, it just so happened that the surgery resident who came down to the OR for the consult was HOT. RIDICULOUSLY HOT. And no, not just med student hot, but real, honest to god, MOVIE STAR hot. It's a little high pressure as a med student to present a patient to a senior resident or attending, because they'll probably ask you a lot of questions you can't answer and make you feel like a doofus, but this guy had me forgetting things I already knew.

Witness:

Ridiculously Hot Resident: Hi, what's your name?

R: Trauma Bay 1.*

*I honestly thought he was about to ask me where my resident was.

Ridiculously Hot Resident: Regards R carefully. Looks tired, like he's been up all night saving lives. Tired but gorgeous. Like, if I had been up all night repairing someone's spleen, I'd be looking ROUGH at 7 am. This guy looked like he'd just stepped out of an Axe commercial. And then put on scrubs and a white coat. HOT. Are you taking care of the patient in 21?*

R: No. Oh wait...yes I am! I mean, um...I don't think so. Who are you talking about again?

*In all fairness, the confusion was warranted. This patient had been in Room 21 but was then moved out to the hallway so a neutropenic fever (who I was not taking care of) could have the room.

RHR: (Hotly) Exasperated. The acute choly.

R: Oh yes! Yes I am. Proud of herself that she was successfully able to answer the question.

RHR: What's her white count?

R: Um...it's...elevated? Uh...I can't remember exactly what it is ... voice trails off as she scrounges through all of her pockets, shuffles crumpled up sheets of paper. Two minutes later triumphantly produces a torn up piece of paper. Sixteen! Her white count is sixteen.

RHR: We're admitting this patient to our service. Translation: You are the least competent medical student I've ever met and I'm fearful to leave this patient in your care. Have your resident page me whenever she's free, okay? Translation: In fact, you're such a doofus that I can't even trust you to fill the paperwork out correctly so I won't even ask you to do it. What year are you anyway?

R: I'm a third ye--no! No, I'm a fourth year!

RHR: Shakes head and walks away. Hotly.

***

And to break the monotony, here are pictures! I have been missing Iowa lately, so I thought I'd post some Iowa pics here:

Yes. That is a stripper pole. At someone's house. I think it'll help the resale value.


Do you see the poster in the window? That is Baby Stewie telling us we suck. Liz's neighbors put this up in the window directly facing Liz's house after she called the po-pos on their loud obnoxious rottweilers. Liz contemplated putting up a similar poster in return, or maybe a peace sign in the spirit of nonviolence, and in the end decided to respond all Zen-like with nothing at all. Though I would have loved to help construct something with which to flip the old el birdo to the neighbors, I was proud of Liz. And I think an important lesson was learned that day. DO NOT COME BETWEEN THE LESBIANS AND THEIR DOGS. The lesbians RUN that dog park. Don't even go there.And finally...my sweet little Reflux! I'm happy to report he's doing well in his new home. He is well loved and is now surrounded by people 24/7, something I couldn't provide for him. I found his octopus toy in one of my boxes of books and I almost decided to drive to Centralia this weekend just to see him but unfortch ... I have to study. (MY GOD. It has been so long since I've said that. That felt really unnatural.)

2 comments:

Chick Pea said...

woot woot!
get to see you tonight.

are you not super excited?
i'm jumping up and down.

hot residents-... too funny..saw a ton when i was a med student and during my intern year... there was one ER resident who was just um.. yummy... and he had a brown fetish.. so not a bad combo ;)

trAcy said...

your stories are great.
hi to reflux.
i hardly ever run into men who are that gorgeous, or well, i've kind of turned off my visuals on people, being married. but i know what you mean with freaking out and forgetting things in the face of very intense people no matter what their "gift."