Thursday, April 06, 2006

Butts and Guts

Yesterday at Butts and Guts class I was having an underwear crisis. Namely, because it was so beautiful and sunny in IC I decided to let my pale and pasty legs have a go at the sunlight.

As it probably is for most females from the Hair Belt, wearing shorts isn't just a simple matter of putting them on. There's the whole process of de-yeti-fying oneself beforehand. Which, not to be too gross here, but I had sort of let matters slide there for the past several weeks. (Hey, it is COLD HERE. My version of "sexy underwear" is a pair of thermal leggings with Playboy bunnies all over them.) So I actually spent so long shaving my legs that my building RAN OUT OF HOT WATER. The bad part was that I was doing some shower synergizing and still had conditioner glopping all in my hair. I had to rinse my head off in the bathroom sink.

Anyway, I swapped my usual sweatpants for a pair of shorts to go to the gym today. (That's kind of a fun thing about the Midwest -- the winter is so long and crappy that when it finally hits .. oh, say 48 F everyone is like, IT IS TIME FOR SHORTS AND FLIP-FLOPS, I don't care if there's still snow on the ground.)

My shorts were those synthetic-y nylon running shorts, a detail I failed to note the significance of beforehand. So for the abs portion of the class we usually start on the exercise ball. The shorts proceeded to take on a mind of their own, and, as though covered in bacon fat, slid all the way up. I have a pretty crappy sense of balance to begin with and the fact that my shorts were giving me the most horrible wedgie of my life made me keep falling of the ball. I had to keep stopping after every crunch to de-wedge. Everytime I did this my ball would roll backwards a little bit. At the beginning of class I was close to the front by the mirrors but by the end I had rolled so far back I almost smashed into the rear wall.

S for Special Needs! That's all.

2 comments:

punchberry said...

You're a great writer. This is a very funny post. I feel your pain on the wedgie front.

trAcy said...

oh, honey!

at least you went out and used your body. . mine is still pretending that "getting up with sunrise" is exercise.

ps - saw
"perfectly-tanned and depilated" white women of perhaps 23-27 years, wearing flip flops and those ridiculously short cotton pleated skirts on the corner of westport and pennsylvania last night. (westport is one of kc's entertainment areas for drinking in an historic setting).

yes, they were wearing matching outfits. yes, they were too tan for april. ugh, midwest makes me queasy. they were totally pretending it was june. it's not!

boss wore white-like jeans to work that day, too.

yes, i made a "not before memorial day" joke. he laughed, and i am too respectful to inquire about how his wife lets him out of the house like that.