Saturday, March 11, 2006


I'm looking around my apartment and all my plants are dying! I guess that happens when you haven't watered them in 3 weeks. (I'm on that right after I finish this.) In continuing with my week-long state of crabbiness I'm starting to feel completely ineffectual as a human being. Especially because many of my friends are matching this year and going to GRADUATE and be REAL DOCTORS with MDs behind their names and whatnot and I'm doing research, which is almost even more useless than being a 3rd year medical student. The truth is when I start to think about my graduation next year I start to get all panicky, like OH MY GOD. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING and I won't match anywhere because I SUCK and WHY AM I EVEN IN MEDICINE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS PRESSURE!! and then I have a beer and it sort of helps me breathe and puts me in a better mood even though alcohol is supposed to be a depressant, but whatever.

But also, this whole week has just been extremely frustrating. I was supposed to finish up that poster by Friday but then my other study got all busy. And no, not busy like BUSY GOOD we had so many subjects our hands were just full of them but BUSY BAD and BUSY STUPID like the lab just stopped doing labs we had ordered and needed to be called everyday to be reminded and I spent hours trying to track down patients charts and no one was sending me the DEXA scans like they promised they would. (That story actually has sort of a humorous ending: I walked down to DEXA with the intention of delivering a strongly worded speech about how to please not promise to send me the DEXAs twice a week or whatever if you don't plan on sending them for a month and ignore all emails or voicemails you get from me STOP WASTING MY TIME I AM VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT and I ended up buying a box of Girl Scout cookies from the DEXA tech and looking at pictures of her new litter of puppies. I also forgot to ask about the DEXAs altogether and it wasn't until I was back in my office enjoying my newly purchased Peanut Butter Patties that I realized I hadn't accomplished anything and had to run back to DEXA to be all, "Oh yeah.... can you guys, uh mail those to me by intercampus mail, or would it be more convenient for me to come pick them up everyday? Because I can do that too! I have to come over to this side of the hospital anyway for [other stupid paperwork-related task] so it's not even a problem!")

I also have to turn in my M4 schedule this weekend and I'm extremely nervous about that because basically you plan your schedule around your selected future specialty. I love OB despite everyone's attempt to talk me out of it (and I just spent a year doing Gyn Endocrine research) but sometimes I feel like this is too soon to decide what I'm going to do for the rest of my life! I love women but I don't know if I never want to treat another male patient again! What if I get sued and I spend the rest of my life struggling to pay back my med school loans because I'm bankrupt but still have to pay off all this expensive training for a career I can't even have anymore? (Oh that thought just makes me ill. Excuse me while I vomit.)

Ok I need to find me some chocolate.


BidiSmoker said...
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punchberry said...

I think you made the right decision taking the time to contribute to research and to further explore your interest in OBGYN before committing.

Good luck in the '07 match- you will rock it.

oodles said...

Girl Scout cookies should make you feel better! As a non-medical professional, I urge you to eat a whole box, and purchase another. :)

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