Monday, February 06, 2006

Feel free to point and laugh.

I came home from work today and discovered a huge clotted pool of blood on the carpet. My first thought was Oh my god Reflux is hemorrhaging!! (Actually my first concern was the v. irrational thought that I myself was hemorrhaging like that time I was 12 and had first started shaving my legs and didn't realize I had accidentally shaved off a few layers of skin until I felt something wet and looked down and saw a huge pool of blood on the bathroom floor. When I realized it was my blood coming from that huge chunk of bleedy flesh on my leg I almost passed out. But that's neither here nor there.)

I went and found Reflux happily trotting around as usual except that his ENTIRE FACE WAS CAKED IN DRIED BLOOD. He didn't seem to be actively hemorrhaging at the moment but I decided to take him to the vet anyway. I figured he had knocked out a tooth or something, but according to the vet his mouth was just one big cesspool of evil (all ABSCESSES and oro-nasal FISTULAS filled with DISEASE), because of his bad teeth. So...tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM: emergency surgery for my little Reflux! (Ok, it's not that emergent if you can put it off for 12 hours, but I think this is as emergent as veterinary medicine gets on a 14yo dog.)

I was a little worried, because at 14 he's like 208 in people years, and those old people just can't handle their anesthesia (or "happy drugs") that well. So naturally I was experiencing a little anxiety as I drove home from the vets. So much anxiety, in fact, that I drove by RNG's. (Not because I'm crazy, but because I'm FEMALE. Oh admit it. You all do it. Just for fun. And come on, I'm allowed a drive-by when my best buddy needs emergency dental surgery that might kill him.) We went out for his birthday a few weeks ago and had a great time, and I think there's a good friendship blossoming there. And he's kind of got that nerdy cuteness working for him.

So I drove by RNG's and....there he was. Getting out of his car just as I was making my drive-by past his house. Ohhhhhh noooooo. There was absolutely no way to play this off in a non-"No, Rupes is not a stalker, huh unh." way, so...I just kept driving and hoped he didn't notice the black SUV with IL plates and stupid GPS screen that you can see glowing from 8 miles away that he's rode in before. (Actually, god bless the DMV for rejecting all 7 of the vanity licenses I came up with. At least this way there's a tiny sliver of a chance that it could have been someone else. Even though it wasn't.) And then I played that game where you try to convince yourself that Nooooooo, it was SOMEBODY ELSE'S maroon Avalon with Utah plates. (I think it was those plates that got me. Have you ever seen Utah plates? They're the most artistic license plates I've ever seen. All seafoam blue and tangerine, with that little arch-y rock thing. So pretty.)

If RNG didn't think I was crazy before, he surely does now.

(And my friend in D.C. once asked if all this stuff really happened to me. Girlfriend, I WISH I was making this up. Unfortunately, this crazy is ALL REAL.)


punchberry said...

People do much crazier things when their canine babies are ill. I think you're entitled. Please pass my wishes for a speedy recovery to Reflux.

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