Friday, January 13, 2006

Attack of the Giardia!

Had an extremely gorgeous moment of Zen this morning at 6:45 while walking my dog. Tis truly the best part of my day, standing outside half asleep in my glasses and pajamas and coat in the snow and wind with my hand wrapped in a plastic baggie waiting for my dog to have his poo.

I'm sure at some point my little puppy was properly housetrained and could poop at the sound of "Hurry up" like all good dogs are supposed to but he's since gone deaf. Because he's 14. That's 98 in people years. (He's also blind and has urinary incontinence sometimes.) I think he can hear some noises though because he'll occasionally prick up his ears and look around expectantly but most of the time he can't hear shit.

Anyway this morning was extremely cold and windy (fuck you, global warming) and my dog WOULD NOT POO. I suppose I could take him back inside and walk him again when I get home from work but I've made that mistake before. Poo everywhere, friends. The sympathetic nervous sytem, it is not working so good in the geriatric stage.

R: Hurry up!! Please? Shivers, hops around to stay warm.

Dog: Frolicks around happily, tra la la.

R: HURRY UP! Claps hands to get dog's attention. Still hopping around to stay warm. Is attracting attention from early morning joggers.

Dog: Sniffs another dog's poo. (Which, c'mon motherfuckers, pick that shit up.) Rolls around blissfully in an area of frost and grass where undoubtedly another dog probably peed 10 minutes ago.

R: Bellows. HURRY UP!!!!

Dog: Is this a dried up leaf? OH MY GOD this is the most exciting and amazing thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life! I must stand here and sniff at it for a while. It's not like R is waiting for me to poo or anything.

I eventually gave up and we went back inside. And then I smashed up 1/4 an Immodium in his dog food so he wouldn't poo on the carpet.

Just watched
: The Notebook. I'm not even exactly sure why I have this movie. I must have been trying to get The Interpreter and got confused. And OH MY GOD the geezers in the nursing home are the young people having hot sex in the notebook?!? What a SHOCKING and UNEXPECTED twist.


Khakra said...

you've learnt the lesson of not taking (reflux?) to poop central. Or make sure you have a Walgreens around you. you ever tried giving him M&M's?

square peg said...

NO!! Chocolate gives dogs cardiac arrest and shit.

punchberry said...

Thanks. It is stories like this that help me maintain a fulfilling relationship with my snotty little cat. I am so often tempted to get a dog, but then I remember that I like being inside when it's cold, and that I don't like picking up steamy piles of poop with a plastic bag.

Granted, I know these stories will not help me fight the puppy-adpotion urge forever, but I am holding out for as long as I can.

Serena said...

Hahaha animals are funny =) I like reading your entries.

Tod said...

The thing you're writing is a big blunder.
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