Saturday, December 17, 2005

Part the Second!

After a short break I'm back! So my short little trip to India ends today. The Internet at home kind of pooped out and I was too lazy to go to the cybercafe so I'm posting from the lounge at the airport. The lounge is nice -- I tried to go take a shower (No more bucket baths!!!! YAY!!) but apparently some niece of some politician may or may not be coming here to take a shower so the lounge guy told me I had to sit here and wait because she gets shower priority which is SO STUPID and I tried to explain to him that I take really fast showers and I was so tired of taking bucket baths so could I please just go ahead and shower and he was like NO GO AND SIT DOWN PLEASE. Not that I'm pissed or anything.

On a happier note:

Hello lover. I have never been so happy to see a toilet in my whole entire life.

Not that I don't absolutely LOVE the squatty toilet.

I'm sorry. I just can't. I talk about poop a lot, but this is actually serious. I have bad dreams about the squatty toilet. I think the only reason my relatives haven't installed a sit-down toilet is because of the amusement they get from my misery.

Not to get too graphic here, but I haven't mastered the actual squat yet. I'm too afraid of coming into contact with the toilet. It's not exactly a position they teach in yoga either.

And it's tough if you're a girl! Like, if you're wearing Indian clothes which have tons of loose fabric, where exactly do you tuck everything? How do you balance yourself? The walls are kind of gross too, I wouldn't be too crazy about touching them.

Enough about poop. But God Bless America. And its toilets.

It was really tough for me to leave this time, 2 weeks is not nearly long enough. The first time I came to India that I can remember I was 8 years old and I was with my family. I remember when it was time to leave, at the airport everyone was all crying and shit but I was so happy to come back to the land of sit-down toilets and regular bowel movements that I was practically dragging my mom to the gate. I was a little less gleeful this time. But that might be just because I have to go back to Iowa.

There is however a delay on my flight. There was an announcement about 10 minutes ago: "We apologize for the inconvenience but Flight 127 to Frankfurt will be delayed because a baggage car is stuck under the airplane." Which made us all just crack up laughing. Then a few minutes ago the explanation for the delay was a little more mysterious: "For unexplainable technical difficulties, Flight 127 is delayed." I guess they realized how dumb the old baggage-car-stuck-under-the-plane excuse sounded.


trAcy said...

squatty toilets are very bad to use when drunk, tired, or if you're just plain unstable by nature.

balance IS hard, but i have heard/experienced that bowel movements are technically "easier" from the old-fashioned squat position. the stress factor caused by an unfamiliar and not-clean toilet can cancel that out! and there's the legs going to sleep thing and the fact that 89-year-old women are doing this but it makes your 20-something-year-old bones crack. (my bones and the rest of me are older now.)

best way is hole in woods, with confirmed solitude (or just friends who totally will leave you alone if you say where you're going, of course). that's just my opinion, from someone who has big issues with something that's supposed to be normal and easy.

in japan, though, i think the facing is different (back to plumbing? no, hmm, i think you face it) and at homes, schools, government offices, etc., they at least have those plastic bathroom shoes you slip on when you go in, leaving your indoor slippers safe from splashiness. of course, public parks, hmm, i don't remember (it's been seven years). and you're still wearing your own socks and clothes after all.

anyway. . .

thanks for your blog. i love it, found it by just scrolling blogspot.

i have been to iowa city a couple of times to visit a friend who got a poetry m.a. there, i guess. it's not the most enthralling of places, no.

take care,

Serena said...

Ah yes... The Squatter. I just took a trip to Vietnam in August and I had encountered those toilets. I didn't squat correctly either so my ankles and calves would burn. Yeah I relate with you on that. Thats when I realized that I was truly an american. You know squatters do it best! =)

Blahsfemmy said...

Just stumbled upon your blog. Am an Indian so can understand most of your descriptions :-). Especially the squat and sit down toilets... although i am an Indian, squat toilets are a nightmare for me too.. so whenever i go to stay at anybody's house..i always take a peep into the toilets to see if its a squat or a sit-down. On many occasions i have cancelled my stay because of the squat toilets..! Cheap ..i know.. but thats how uncomfortable they are!!

Keep posting!


Khakra said...

Common bond between both toilets: what is called "lota" technology. Or a pot of water to clean....

ME said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GujuDude said...

Jesus Christ