Sunday, August 03, 2008
It made me reflect back on my own intern year. I talked it over with a few other residents in surgical fields and we decided that while, yes, we all shared some intense moments, for the most part, if a camera crew followed us around at random over the course of a year, they would catch us doing a variety of quite un-glamorous things:
- "Discharge to SNF paperwork. Loads. And loads. Of paperwork."
- "Begging social work to help us find our patients a SNF."
- "You thought going into medicine was about helping people, but it's actually about writing notes. Thousands and thousands of notes."
- "Watch the intern as she spends hours on the phone making follow-up appointments!"
- "You listen very, very closely on rounds. Then you make about a million checkboxes in the margins of the sign-out based on even the most casual of comments made. Everyone then goes off the OR. You spend your day getting each and every single box on that list checked off by the time evening rounds happen, so help you God."
- "Even if your checkboxes list such tasks as, 'Find patient's roommate so she can get key to her apartment back so she can go home' and 'Patient needs semi-truck moved from where it is parked in the ED parking lot.'"
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
(This is also why I've stopped running places. I only have 2 hands and there are 3 pockets on my white coat for things to tumble out of. Also, you look pretty stupid running down the hallway with your arms straight at your sides with your hands clutching your pockets.)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
In other news, now that my level of affection for my job has reached a point where I now have an acceptable level of hatred for my life, I can look into the future and see something other than residency. Namely, more bitch-assery in the form of a fellowship! YES. I find residency so irresistible that I wish to do EVEN MORE of it. I will be the KUNG FU MASTER of residency.
There is one new aspect of residency that I am so far less in love with. That is, clinic. The concept is great. We see patients like the little doctors we pretend to be and write prescriptions and do our own little exams and write our own little notes and feel kind of responsible for things. (I also received my very first business cards this year!! They say Square Peg, M.D.! So far I have given out 5. They were all to my mom.)
The problem is the clinic rooms are teensy. They're about the size of 2 bathrooms put together. I think it'd be ok, except for the fact that WE ARE GYNECOLOGISTS. When we see a patient, we have to get all up into her mix. It involves stirrups. And speculums. And not one but TWO trash cans. One for real trash and one for metal things that need to be sterilized. As luck would have it, the trash cans for metals is ALWAYS in some really awkward position in the room, like behind the head of the bed. And these rooms are so tiny that once you've positioned yourself in a rolly stool between some stirrups there's no room to roll yourself away from the perineum and towards a trash can. There's hardly any room to walk there, because then you run into the trash can for actual trash. So you pull out the speculum and then you end up doing this awkward sideways shuffle around the stirrups, the counter, and the trash can. And usually, that speculum is dripping with juices. Sometimes foul-smelling, purulent, scary fluid. Let's just say that often in clinic, my primary goal for the day is to avoid getting syphilis dripped on me. It's happened before.
Monday, December 17, 2007
And THEN I spent some time catching up on some of my favorite blogs, including Doctor Squared, where I got the idea for this little game:
1. Put your iTunes/music player of shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down that song name, no matter what.
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
"UMBRELLA" Rihanna feat. Jay-Z
"You can stand under my umbrella. Ella. Ella. Ey. Ey. Ey."
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"SCAR TISSUE" Red Hot Chili Peppers
I AM SO DAMAGED.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"PASS THE DUTCHIE" Musical Youth
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"SUDDENLY I SEE" KT Tunstall
What a bad-ass song. I'm usually not this clever or bright, or quick to recognize destructive men in my life. (HELLO DQ!)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
"STUNTIN' LIKE MY DADDY" Birdman and Lil' Wayne
I literally laughed out loud when this popped up.
Veerom on a yamaha chromed out 11 hundred
Wut im doin, gettin money, wut we doin, gettin money
Wut they doin, hatin on me, but they neva cross
Cash money still the company, and bitch im the boss
And I be stuntin like my daddy, stuntin like my daddy
Stuntin like my daddy, I be stuntin like my daddy
Im the, young stunna, stuntin like my daddy
Stuntin like my daddy, I be stuntin like my daddy
You guys just aren't STREET like me.
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"WHEN THE STARS GO BLUE" Cary Pierce
Oh come ON I'm not THAT forlorn.
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW" Keane
That's actually sweet. "So if you have a minute why don't we GOOOOO? Talk about it somewhere only WEEEKNBBOOW!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
"WE BE BURNIN'" Sean Paul
My parents don't smoke pot.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"STARRY EYED SURPRISE" Paul Oakenfold
OMG wasn't I just talking about how bars suck as meeting places for Future Mates?
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Throw Some Ds" Rich Boy feat. Polow Da Don
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"MARCH OF THE WITCH HUNTERS" Wicked Soundtrack
HA! Sometimes. (Just kidding! I love all of you!!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"BETTE DAVIS EYES" Kim Carnes
I currently have no crush. WRONG AGAIN iPOD. YOU'RE SO STUPID.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"ONE SHORT DAY" Wicked Soundtrack
What a fun one!
One short day
In the Emerald City
One short day
Full of so much to do
That you look in the city
There's something exquisite
You'll want to visit
Before the day's through
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"SWEETEST THING" U2
I want to grow up and be someone's sweetest thing? eww.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PE
"OUTTA CONTROL" MobRSON YOU LIKE?b Deep and 50 Cent
Again, no one on the horizon here, but this guy sounds pretty cool. PRESENT YOURSELF TO ME O MYSTERIOUS LIFE PARTNER.
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"EVERLONG" Foo Fighters
"If everything could ever feel this real FOREVERRRRR. If anything could ever be this good AAAAGAIN." Uh.... maybe.
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"AAJA NACH LE" Bally Sagoo
Yep, probably will, especially if the DJ at my reception is that Indian kid everyone else uses.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I hope not.
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ain't no secret, baby.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"WALKING ON SUNSHINE." Katrina and the Waves
YES. Totally :)
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
"STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" Led Zeppelin
Euuuighhh..but I already CAME UP with a title that was more appropriate.
(I'm camped out at the computer "working" on a presentation I'm supposed to give on Thursday. I've almost started! And hence the rapidfire posting.)
In any case, Jagdish, in his own residency program in Texas, is coming to visit for Christmas. This means I will have to put all my bras away from their carefully laid out positions on top of the dresser and possibly vacuum and have all the drains snaked. I never notice all the janky things I put up with until I have others come up and visit me and then I'm like...Oh...so it's NOT normal to be standing ankle deep in soapy water after a shower? Also, I'll have to doubly restock the fridge because I anticipate Jagdish is going to spend the bulk of his time eating my food and in an unwashed state on my comfy couch.
Last week I got the chance to see Wicked again here in St. Louis, which was just super fun. Before the show R and I went out to eat a little Italian restaurant by the Fox, where we had cocktails at the bar before dinner. While we were drinking at the bar, the bartender brought us a 3rd round and said it was compliments of "that guy down the bar." R, who is married, was like, "Oh, that was nice of him!" And that was all we mentioned of it. It left me wondering what exactly the etiquette is of the "I'm a strange man buying you alcohol at the bar" maneuver. Strange man in said case happened to be about 48 years old with a goatee and a sparkly diamond in one ear so I wasn't too interested in following up on my drink, but I wondered if maybe we were supposed to wave to him, or walk over and say thank you, or what. I generally think that the bar is the worst place to find your life partner, because without the friendly warming tincture of EtOH and soft glow of the bar, the daylight can be harsh.
Also, I've never spent money on extraneous souvenirs at a show before, but I love this show so much that I coughed up the THIRTY NINE dollars that this t-shirt reading "defying gravity" cost (I'm still reeling):
And R bought this one:
Which I also adored but somehow I don't think I can quite pull off wearing a bright pink shirt that says "Popular" on it. At least not in public anyway. And then I had to talk her out of buying a snow globe.
Friday, December 14, 2007
1. Seasonal affect disorder? Who, me? No, because RSVPing for a party and then boycotting it because the host writes back asking "Thanks, Peg. Will it be you + 1 or just you?" IS TOTALLY REASONABLE GODDAMMIT. (In my defense, that "JUST YOU" was completely fucking accusatorial and I refuse to justify it with a response because it made me feel like a loser for like an entire 48 hours.)
2. My dad isn't much of a phone talker but there are certain instances where social niceties call for your phone presence, such as, oh, WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER CALLS TO WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
S: Happy birthday dad!
D: Uh-huh. Remember, this is the guy who thinks it's stupid to celebrate birthdays because "you're just one year closer to YOUR DEATH." Uplifting, no? So what did you do at work today?
S: Well I got to scan a baby with anencephaly which was kinda neat--
D: Interrupting. Ok whatever. Talk to your mom now.
Really. I'm not joking. The really funny thing is, when my dad asks a question that requires some long rambly answer I know it's because he's watching TV or at the computer and the "Ok whatever" comes out when he thinks he's listened long enough. Parenting! (Happy birthday Daddy!)
3. Shanmugam is considering pursuing a career in Urology. Except he doesn't know if he "can look at penis and balls all day long. But if I could, it'd be great."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
My parents called around 5 pm as I was trying to muster up the energy to get off the couch and into the shower and trying to decide how raunchy my hair smelled and whether or not I could put off shampooing for another day. My mom, as you might imagine, was SUPER-EXCITED about another opportunity to prostitute me out some more.
M: So....what are you doing?
S: Too embarassed to admit that I've just proudly assembled a bag of Sun Chips, a bag of Dove miniatures, a jar of trail mix and a can of Cherry Coke all strategically within arms reach so as to minimize any effort. I'm studying!
M: Where is IDMTT? Is he there with you?
S: Oh...no. He missed his flight and won't get here until 8.
M: Oh... Quietly confers with someone else, apparently my dad.
Now my dad gets on the phone.
D: Hello, Peg?
S: Yep, still here.
D: Ok, because we are in the parking lot of the hotel IMDTT was supposed to be staying at, because we wanted to see you together.
S: Too stunned to speak.
M: Why didn't you tell us he wasn't coming until later?
S: Because I didn't realize you would be STALKING ME.
D: Uh, so we're kind of tired of sitting in the car. Can we come over for a while?
15 minutes later, my parents are hanging out in my family room while I groom myself for my big meeting with IMDTT.
M: I think you need more lipstick.
P: I'm already wearing lip gloss.
D: Do what your mom says.
Then, I prepare to leave my apartment. Please note, at this time in my life I was still wearing the boot.
M: Why don't you wear a shoe that will match your boot? What did you do to your ankle in the first place? WHY ARE YOU SO CLUMSY AND AWKWARD AND WHY CAN YOU NOT JUST WEAR THE LIPSTICK LIKE I TELL YOU TO WE WILL BE STUCK WITH YOU FOREVER AND YOU WILL NEVER MARRY.
P: You guys need to go home. Jesus crazy.
D: We're leaving. But...uh, first we were hoping you'd be ok with us FOLLOWING YOU THE AIRPORT AND SEEING IMDTT GET IN YOUR CAR. Because we want to see him.
P: You guys already know him! YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN HIM.
D: So is it ok then?
P: Sometimes the path of least resistance is easiest. Also, one day I will probably torment my own children in a similar fashion. FINE.
D: Ok, but if you see us, you don't know us. And we don't know you.
P: That sounds GREAT. Let's start RIGHT NOW. Also, when did my parents get all ninja?
That pretty much sums up the interesting part of it. I could go on for hours about IMDTT's atrocious ensemble (a two-toned blue/purple monstrosity with hot pink flowers embroidered on it strategically unbuttoned to the xiphoid to display both a thick gold chain and the love rug - this outfit screamed I MEAN SEXY BUSINESS) but I'm trying to cut down on the smack talk. Needless to say, such an auspicious start to our night of passion was pretty much a good indicator of what the rest of the night would be like. We ate at a restaurant and then I dropped him off at his hotel. And then we never spoke to each other again. (Also, in my new move away from smack talk I will refrain from mentioning how he went on and on at dinner about his ex-fiance, a manic depressive psycho who lived at home with her parents and had to be fed Xanax. Hello, desperation!)